It's hollow on the inside, but hard and metallic on the outside! How do they do it? We don't know! These metal tubes have nothing on the inside. They are completely empty! The Tube Thing™ has no hidden supports to keep it looking hollow, no cleverly-colored illusion to fool you into thinking it's hollow, nothing but a round, empty space. Best of all, it's guaranteed hollow for life! How can we afford to make an offer like that? Because we're almost certain that we'll be out of business before then! Available in dozens of shapes, sizes and colors! Buy a gross and you're bound to get the one you want!
Made to appeal to the Newer and Smaller Generation™ of nonliving-pet-collectors (that is, collectors of nonliving pets. We charge double to nonliving customers). You thought the Pet Rock was fun? You've got to try Pet Sand!™ It won't refuse to sift through your fingers like other nonliving pets, and it won't run away and leave you crying alone in your room, wishing with all your heart and all your soul that you could have had your pet for just one more minute, to tell it how you really felt, and if you had, you would have loved it and cared for it until the end of your days or its (warning: in extreme cases of abusive sympathy, Pet Sand™ has been known to run away). Comes with a Verified Certificate of Authenticity,™ so you know for sure your Pet Sand™ came from a real beach!
These matches light in a single strike! Throw away your one-switch lighter and single-ignition blowtorch, because these handy 'match-sticks' are the wave of the future! Lighter than a bar of soap, these miracles of technology will fit in your pocket! Available in hemp-tied packs of three or six. Strike surface sold separately.
We won't tell you the Secret Recipe™ for these tasty morsels, but let's just say they're More Than Bread™! A perfect gift for your out-of-the-house-and-into-the-car friends, who just don't have time to lather some sweet, slimy substance onto a piece of bread and call it toast! Remember, with Cheese Sandwich™, it's More Than Bread™.
Tired of all those other artificial sugar substitutes? We thought so, which is why we came up with our All-Natural Artificial Artificial Sugar™. It has 100% of the nutrition, and 100% of the sweetness of Real Sugar™. It even has the same chemical formula! And best of all, it's all natural. It contains no animal or human products, obscurely-named chemicals or harmful antibiotics; just 100% All-Natural Artificial Sugar Substitute™. Available in 1/4oz PaperPackets™ only.
Deluxe Assorted Creams and Ointments™. Pre order now for the summer of 2015!