This page was designed using an HTML Editor
of some kind. You can tell it's designed using an HTML Editor of
some kind because it's not as pretty as the pages designed with
some editor which isn't an HTML Editor of some kind. If you want
to find out which editor was used to edit this edited page, try
this simple trick:
- Open your browser. If your browser
isn't already opened, the chances are you're not reading
these instructions, but make sure your browser is opened
anyway.
- Look at the menu. The menu is that
thing in the top of the window with all the words. The
window is the part of the screen you're looking at. Words
are meaningful collections of symbols known as letters,
arranged in a more or less organized fashion.
- Continue staring blankly at the menu
for some time. If you've forgotten how to find the menu,
refer to step 2. If you have forgotten which step is 2,
refer to the well-organized numbering system on the left
side of the page. If you've forgotten which way is left,
look at your right hand, and point to your left hand. That's
the hand you'd normally use to point left. Now point with
it. The direction you're now pointing should be left. If
it's not, then keep trying directions until you get it
right. That is, left.
- Now take your mouse -- no not that
mouse, the one on your desk -- no not that desk, the one
with the computer on it -- no, not that computer. Here, let
me describe it to you. It's small, and probably white, and
it has some buttons on it, and it fits nicely under your
hand. If you need further explanation on this matter,
contact Technical Support. It doesn't matter whose Technical
Support; any one will do. So take your mouse -- no, don't
start that again. Take your mouse, and move the little arrow
on the screen to the word "file" on your menu. If
you've forgotten what a menu is, refer to step 2. If you've
forgotten which step is 2, refer to step 3. The pointer, by
the way, is the thing that moves around when you move your
mouse. No, not your hand; the thing on your computer screen.
Oh, and if your computer screen isn't on by now, turn it on.
If you don't know how to turn it on, contact Technical
Support.
- Now look at your mouse -- but be
extremely careful that the little arrow doesn't leave the
word "file," or you'll have to start all over
again. Your mouse should have one to three buttons on it. If
it has more than three, you should throw it away and buy a
new one. Done? Good. Now look for the leftmost button. If
you've forgotten how to find things that are
"left," refer to step 3. Ok, now here is where it
gets tricky. With the mouse pointer on the word
"file" on your computer screen, press the leftmost
mouse button down. Don't be surprised if the picture on your
computer screen changes a little. That's supposed to happen.
If you've done everything right so far, a new list of words
should have appeared. No, it's not magic; it's just sorcery.
- Slowly and carefully -- slower if
someone is watching, and as slow as you possibly can if
someone competent with computers is watching, move your
mouse towards you. If all goes well, the little arrow on the
screen will move down. Again, don't be alarmed -- the
downward motion is completely normal. Now stop moving your
mouse and look at the new list of words. Depending on your
browser (don't worry about what a browser is right now. If
you're worried anyway, contact Technical Support), one of
the lines will say "Source" or "Page
Source." If the lines don't actually say anything out
loud, don't worry. They usually don't. They are meant to be
read, as one reads a book. If you normally read books in the
bathroom or standing on your head, or standing on someone
else's head, you should probably try a bit of improvisation
at this point and look at your computer screen. If this
concept makes insufficient sense to you, contact Technical
Support. If you've forgotten how to contact Technical
Support, contact Technical Support.
- At this point, you should probably
take a break. Carefully let go of your mouse, and stand up.
Under normal circumstances, this action will involve moving
back your chair in some fashion, but, as we can not predict
the properties of every type of chair, we suggest you call
Technical Support.
- Go downstairs and get a snack. If
your particular computer-containing architectural structure
does not have a downstairs, burrow at least ten feet
downward from the lowest point in your computer-containing
architectural structure, at approximately a 45º angle.
Next, purchase some clay, and using the clay, form a
staggered series of level platforms, each about 3' wide and
1' from front to back, and each about 1' below its
predecessor. Now, go downstairs and get a snack. If there
are no snacks downstairs, go back upstairs, get a snack, and
bring it downstairs. If there are no snacks upstairs, try
the attic. If that also fails, or if there is no attic in
your particular computer-containing architectural structure,
go out and buy a snack, and bring it downstairs. If there is
no place at which to buy a snack due to thermonuclear war or
other mishap, you may eat your family members or skip to
step 9. If you've forgotten how to find a step number, refer
to step 3. Now go downstairs and get a snack. Eat it.
- When you finish your break, go back
to your computer. If you've forgotten where you put your
computer, follow the trail of breadcrumbs you dropped when
you left to get a snack. If you didn't leave a trail of
breadcrumbs, contact Technical Support. Once you find your
computer, sit in your chair and assume the position you
achieved by the end of step 6. If you've forgotten this
position, you may have to start over. If you've forgotten
how to start, refer to step 1. Be careful not to jitter your
mouse in the process of reassuming your initial position. A
jitter is a small five-legged antelope-like insect.
- If everything has gone well so far,
the little arrow on your computer screen should be pointing
to the word "Source" or to the phrase "Page
Source." Look again for the leftmost button on your
mouse, and press the button. If you've forgotten how to do
either of these things, refer to step 5. The picture on your
computer screen should drastically change. Don't be alarmed.
Now somewhere on the changed part of your window, you should
see a line that says:
<META NAME="GENERATOR"
CONTENT="Microsoft FrontPage 4.0">. Read the
part between the CONTENT=" and the ">. That is
the name of editor used to edit this web page.
- Now look at the back of your
computer. If you think that your
computer screen is your computer, then look for that
rectilinear box that Technical Support told you to keep near
your computer for good luck, and find its back.
If your computer screen actually is your computer, then look
at the back of it. There should be a thick wire coming from
its back. There may be several
such wires, but you should look for the one that, when
followed, leads to the wall of your computer-containing
architectural structure. Follow
the wire to the wall. If you're lucky, the wire will end in
a stubby knob known as a plug. If
you're incredibly unlucky, contact Technical Support and
complain about a completely unrelated matter, then return to
step 1. Now pull hard on the
plug. It should no longer be inserted in your wall. If
it still is, pull harder. If you
feel a sharp, vibrating pain in your arm and/or your
computer-containing architectural structure bursts into
flames, remember that this web site has no warranties,
expressed or implied, and contact Technical Support. Now
stand up, step slowly away from your computer, and run away
screaming and flailing your arms wildly.
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