Usenet Trolls
Trolls are posts to a message board (or in this case, Usenet) which are written to deliberately provoke a desired response, often anger. For some reason, in 1999, I found these incredibly funny. Here are some trolls and troll-related posts I collected from the rec.games.frp.dnd newsgroup.
Oh, and who's this “Ron” who shows up in almost every one of the below excerpts? He was one of the biggest trolls at the time. He also wrote a lot of good posts, including this torture storyplugin-autotooltip__default plugin-autotooltip_bigTorture Story
From: Werebat
Breaking into Christopher's threadlet 'cause I lost the original post...
I have had PCs captured twice, in the same campaign that I have been running for over five years now. The most recent time, they were captured by an Illithid Lich in the
A sample troll
From: Dorsey vidav@hotmail.com
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: KEWL IDEA
Date: Tue, 08 Jun 1999 13:34:05 -0600
Munchee wrote:
HEY EVERYBODY I JUST GOT THIS TOTALLY RAD IDEA FOR MY PARTY IN OUR D&D
GAME!!! CHECK OUT THESE RULES:
1. BY THE BOOK YOUR HENCHMEN GET 1/2 YOUR XP BUT YOU DON'T LOSE ANY XP;
ITS JUST SORT OF LIKE “BONUS” HENCHMEN XP!!!
2. CHECK OUT THE MATH:
A. PARTY OF 5 KILLS DRAGON WORTH 5000 XP. EACH GETS 1000 XP.
B. ONE PC AND 4 HENCHMEN KILL DRAGON WORTH 5000 XP. PC GETS 5000
XP AND EACH HENCHMAN GETS 2500 XP! WOW!!! WHAT A
DIFFERENCE!!!
SO HERES MY IDEA WHAT IF ALL THE PCS IN MY GROUP ALLY WITH AND UNDER ONE
OF THE PCS AND SAY WE ARE ALL HIS HENCHMEN?!? SO THEN THE DM IS _FORCED_
TO GIVE US ALL LIKE SCADS MORE XP AND WE ALL GO UP IN LEVEL WICKED
FAST!!! SURE THAT ONE GUY HAD TWICE AS MUCH AS US BUT WE COULD ALWAYS
SWITCH WHO IS HENCHMEN OF WHO RIGHT?!?
THIS IS _AWESOME_!!!
!MUNCHEE!
No, this is actually lack of any role playing talent, and an attempt at trying to use a rules loop hole ~l~ I know, a bit harsh, yes a good idea in the general what if area but honestly, is not gamming more about what you do in game than see how fast one can gather xp's that are meaningless unless someone has some good tales of how they were won?, rather than see how I got this one past the DM?
I have nothing wrong with creative ideas that further game play, but wanton removel of game flavor is a bit off, the xp rule you mention is for npc henchmen, to advance in that mundane non existent world they live in, after all very few actually attempt to make them viable meambers in the game world, after all, the PC's are ones who change and make things epic, not the npc's, unless you wish your dm to read you a story.
From: Jack Day nsday4009@alpha.nsula.edu
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: KEWL IDEA
Date: Tue, 08 Jun 1999 06:38:32 -0800
1st, in response to the original post… good luck, but I doubt your DM would ever let it slide. I personally disallow henchmen in my games. The PCs start off so poor that they have a hard enough time supporting themselves much less 1-10 henchmen. When PCs get high enough to say open a church (as a priest or paladin), run a keep, operate a guild, manage a school of magic… then I allow the PC use henchmen to help operate the structure. If they want any assistance on adventures they hire NPCs… whether people with equivalent powers who require equal standing or lackeys to polish armour, origanize spell compenents, etc. In either case, if they accompany players on adventures I consider them NPCs and take full control over their actions.
2nd, in response to the person that said that the xp amount for a monster is the amount that each character gets in full. That's just plain silly. If people could get exp from watching others fight then PCs would just sit in arenas all day watching others fight. Imagine… 50,000 spectators who walk into an arena at the start of the day as 0-1st level nothings and walk out as lords, archmages, etc. The exp listing for monsters is the total amount of exp to be DIVIDED between each individual actively participating in an encounter (even if it a pacifict priest that makes no attempt to attack the opponents but simply heals his/her party throughout combat.
Jack
From: Arivne arivne@home.com
Organization: @Home Network Member
Subject: Re: KEWL IDEA
Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 12:27:53 GMT
Christopher Adams wrote:
Is this Ron or the mysterious 'Not-Ron'. I'd say Ron has more style than this.
It's Not-Ron, I'd say. Although it is suspicious that Ron hasn't said “It's not me” like he did for Seattle Sam.
–
Christopher Adams
<snip sig>
It is Ron.
_A short course in Ron detection_
If you are using Netscape Navigator, click on View, set your Headers to All, and check the Path of each posting (this process may differ with IE or other browsers/newsreaders).
Munchee's path to my computer:
news.rdc1.sdca.home.com!newshub1.home.com!news.home.com!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!131.128.1.11!newsserver.uri.edu!not-for-mail
Ron's path to my computer:
news.rdc1.sdca.home.com!newshub1.home.com!news.home.com!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!131.128.1.11!newsserver.uri.edu!not-for-mail
As you can see, the paths are identical, and the origin point for both messages is newsserver.uri.edu. Werebat's cave. :)
Also check the following information from Munchee's post's headers:
NNTP-Posting-Host: 131.128.23.110
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Mailer: Mozilla 2.0 (Win95; I; 16bit)
and Werebat's post in this thread:
NNTP-Posting-Host: 131.128.23.110
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Mailer: Mozilla 2.0 (Win95; I; 16bit)
Identical. Q.E.D.
It should be noted in fairness to Ron that he made it very easy to trace this message. If he had posted via a temporary AOL account or forged his ISP (as he sometimes does) it would have been much more difficult to catch him. I do not have enough knowledge to detect him when he does this.
BTW, not too long ago Ron made another false posting. Did anyone else catch it? Hint: he was teasing one of his players. 
Arivne Hi Ron!
From: Werebat HES105@ETAL.URI.EDU
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: KEWL IDEA
Date: Thu, 10 Jun 1999 15:21:32 -0700
Arivne wrote:
_A short course in Ron detection_
If you are using Netscape Navigator, click on View, set your Headers to All, and check the Path of each posting (this process may differ with IE or other browsers/newsreaders).
Munchee's path to my computer:
news.rdc1.sdca.home.com!newshub1.home.com!news.home.com!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!131.128.1.11!newsserver.uri.edu!not-for-mail
Ron's path to my computer:
news.rdc1.sdca.home.com!newshub1.home.com!news.home.com!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!newsfeed.cwix.com!131.128.1.11!newsserver.uri.edu!not-for-mail
As you can see, the paths are identical, and the origin point for both messages is newsserver.uri.edu. Werebat's cave. :)
Wow! Very informative! Thanks!
(Snip)
Neat! Thanks for the tips!
> It should be noted in fairness to Ron that he made it very easy to trace this message. If he had posted via a temporary AOL account or forged his ISP (as he sometimes does) it would have been much more difficult to catch him. I do not have enough knowledge to detect him when he does this.
Forged ISP? I sometimes DO that?
I don't really know HOW!
I've used a temp AOL account, once… Twillus/BRUTHA CHUNK.
That's the truth, but no one believes it, so they all THINK I'm much better at trolling than I really am. Heh. 'Sfunny, really.
BTW, not too long ago Ron made another false posting. Did anyone else catch it? Hint: he was teasing one of his players.
The PLAYER didn't catch it…
;^)
> Arivne
Hi Ron!
Howdy.
- Ron ^*^
From: “The Amazing Mr. Miller” mr_miller@dancing.troll
Subject: Re: KEWL IDEA
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 11:43:28 GMT
On Thu, 10 Jun 1999 15:21:32 -0700 Werebat HES105@ETAL.URI.EDU wrote:
It should be noted in fairness to Ron that he made it very easy to trace this message. If he had posted via a temporary AOL account or forged his ISP (as he sometimes does) it would have been much more difficult to catch him. I do not have enough knowledge to detect him when he does this.
Forged ISP? I sometimes DO that?
I don't really know HOW!
I've used a temp AOL account, once… Twillus/BRUTHA CHUNK.
That's the truth, but no one believes it, so they all THINK I'm much better at trolling than I really am. Heh. 'Sfunny, really.
It's another case of the conclusion rewriting the evidence…
“It's a troll, so it must be Ron. What, it isn't from URI? He must have forged his ISP.” (He then goes on to prove that black is white and gets killed at the next pedestrian crossing.)
The underlying problem is a shortage of trolls, which makes such hasty conclusions not only easy but highly accurate. The current troll detection method is:
Trolls signed “Terry Austin”–Terry
Trolls with new and unusual words such as “fucktard”–Terry
Trolls from concentric.net—Victor
Trolls mentioning genitalia–Victor
All other trolls–Ron
No wonder you get accused a lot.
If there were more trolls on this newsgroup, people might actually have to work to ID one…
Daniel “The Amazing Mr.” Miller – Posted via Talkway - http://www.talkway.com Exchange ideas on practically anything ™.
Date: Tue, 8 Jun 1999 09:47:45 -0400
From: [me]
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: KEWL IDEA
Munchee (munchkin@rulesabuse.net) wrote:
: HEY EVERYBODY I JUST GOT THIS TOTALLY RAD IDEA FOR MY PARTY IN OUR D&D
: GAME!!! CHECK OUT THESE RULES:
You are a newbie or a troll. In either case - stop YELLING.
Come on. If you're going to respond to that message, at least say something entertaining. Anyone, looking at an ALL CAPS message on a subject like that, from an address like munchkin@rulesabuse, who didn't recognize a troll immediately, (hmm. Well, I don't know what someone like that should do).
He's not even a real troll. Real trolls make their intent less obvious. No reason to start scolding someone for writing a parody on trolling.
A fake troll
From: bjm10@cornell.edu (Bryan J. Maloney)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: D&D Players are LOSERS
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 1999 10:11:04 -0400
Organization: Carol Cleveland Appreciation and Jock-Strap Flinging Society
This is a troll with no purpose other than to provoke angry responses.
You guys who waste your time playing this Dungins and Dragons game are total losers. I bet you spend all your time wanking yourselvs to hevy metal music and whinging on about how women don't all look like Claudia Schiffer, and you cant understnad why girls dont throw themselves at your loser unwashed bodies all day long.
Your just a bunch of nolife geeks who spend all your time making up fantasy elf girls to wank off over because you cant handle the idea of a real woman.
Move out of your parents basement and get a real life. Stop playing this dungins and dragons crap.
– BATF agent Dan Curtis defined a “cult” for the court as “a group of people who live together differently than the rest of society.” http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bjm10/
From: efindel@fnord.io.com (Travis S. Casey)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: D&D Players are LOSERS
Date: 17 Aug 1999 14:41:56 GMT
Bryan J. Maloney bjm10@cornell.edu wrote:
This is a troll with no purpose other than to provoke angry responses.
This is a humorous reply (or at least an attempt at one). Thanks for the example of a troll, BTW!
You guys who waste your time playing this Dungins and Dragons game are
total losers.
We're losers! Hah! You can't evern spell!
I bet you spend all your time wanking yourselvs to hevy
metal music
Nope… I listen to country these days – or at least, turn on CMT and turn the volume off. There aren't any babes singing metal.
and whinging on about how women don't all look like Claudia
Schiffer,
Shows how much you know! Anyone but a loser like yourself would know that Rebecca Romijn is WAY hotter!
and you cant understnad why girls dont throw themselves at your
loser unwashed bodies all day long.
I washed last week! I don't do sports, so I don't get sweaty – why would I need to wash all the time?
Move out of your parents basement and get a real life.
I'm living in the attic, not the basement!
Stop playing this
dungins and dragons crap.
And do what? Troll newsgroups for fun? Gee, remind me to envy you your “life” sometime.
(Whoops… that last bit was a legitimate response to any real troll that slipped in somehow. Sorry 'bout that.)
|\ _,,,---,,_ Travis S. Casey <efindel@io.com>
ZZzz /,`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ No one agrees with me. Not even me.
|,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-'
'---''(_/--' `-'\_)
From: Trainz trainz@videotron.ca
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: D&D Players are LOSERS
Date: Thu, 19 Aug 1999 01:07:14 -0400
Giorgio@Isla.net wrote:
Trainz wrote:He was testing a theory: How obvious a troll may be to still attract fishies.
Well it apears to be working so far. :)
Casted his net for fishies, waits a few days, then sees how many he's got. Not a bad idea.
Of course since he only half-heartedly posted a decent troll ( as pointed out a few post above) he probably is not getting as many fishies as he wants. :)
You see, that's the whole point.
He is not hunting for a big score, but seeing if something downright stupid and obvious would work.
And it did.
Says a lot about the IQ of the newbies in here.
Maybe we should go back to arguing who is stronger: Elminster or Mordenkainen… there's a chance that the newbies will be able to relate to that.
Then again…
What's the average of a d10 ?
From: bjm10@cornell.edu (Bryan J. Maloney)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: D&D Players are LOSERS
Date: Mon, 23 Aug 1999 14:31:46 -0400
In article Pine.GSO.3.96.990822151918.9743A-100000@hops.cs.jhu.edu, [me] wrote:
Actually, the equation is 11*5/10=5.5or
1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9+10=55/10=5.5
or
1+10=11/2=5.5
Or 6.5-1=5.5
Or (125^(1/3))+((16^(1/4)))/2)=5.5
– BATF agent Dan Curtis defined a “cult” for the court as “a group of people who live together differently than the rest of society.” http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bjm10/
Date: Thu, 19 Aug 1999 09:06:50 -0400
From: [me]
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: D&D Players are LOSERS
On Thu, 19 Aug 1999, Trainz wrote:
Maybe we should go back to arguing who is stronger: Elminster or Mordenkainen… there's a chance that the newbies will be able to relate to that.
Mordenkainen WAY kicks Eliminster's butt!
What's the average of a d10 ?
Uh, six? What's an average?
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 1999 10:46:24 -0400
From: [me]
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: D&D Players are LOSERS
On Tue, 17 Aug 1999, Bryan J. Maloney wrote:
This is a troll with no purpose other than to provoke angry responses.
How dare you imply that this troll is only to provoke angry responses?! It's people like you who give angry responses a bad name!
You guys who waste your time playing this Dungins and Dragons game are total losers. I bet you spend all your time wanking yourselvs to hevy metal music and whinging on about how women don't all look like Claudia Schiffer, and you cant understnad why girls dont throw themselves at your loser unwashed bodies all day long.
Why yes <blush>, I do.
Your just a bunch of nolife geeks who spend all your time making up
Ah, there's the proper mispelling of “you're.” Good work!
fantasy elf girls to wank off over because you cant handle the idea of a
The proper misspelling is “girl's”
Move out of your parents basement and get a real life. Stop playing this dungins and dragons crap.
Alright, you've convinced me. How much does one of those “real life” things cost in the gaming shop? I hope I don't have to buy too many supplements. And does it support miniatures? I won't try anything without miniatures.
Talking about fake trolls
From: Werebat hes105@etal.uri.edu
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: TO ALL - PLEASE READ!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Tue, 24 Aug 1999 14:14:13 -0700
Don wrote:
On Tue, 24 Aug 1999, Aardy R. DeVarque wrote:
Gebhard Blucher blucher@usa.net wrote:
Rod Towey wrote:
[snips]Can we please have a moratorium on Fake trolls for now?
It was funny when it was just Ron, but now it's just gotten old.
I agree! Too bad it's useless to say anything…
Dittos.
Trolls are the equivalent of pissing in the communal pool. The posters doing the trolling may think it, and people's responses to it, funny, but it's NOT. It just makes this group that much harder to “live” in, and that much harder to find the on-topic discussions. We're lucky to have a relatively spam-free newsgroup; why *INTENTIONALLY* go about polluting it with trolls?
I agree 100%. This NG has really degenerated in the past little while (which is odd, since trolls *re*generate).
(Chuckle)
HOW many responses has this anti-troll troll generated so far?
Hats off to whoever pulled this one off!
- Ron ^*^
Date: Wed, 25 Aug 1999 09:52:27 -0400
From: [me]
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: TO ALL - PLEASE READ!!!!!!!!!!!!
It appears to me that this post has created more replies than does most trolls! But seriously, the odd “funny” troll creates a chuckle, but we seem to be getting swamped by the green, regenerating monsters. Argh, even I've waffled on now. Who's feeding who? Cheers
Since I'm a big fan of trolls, I'll take this a level deeper…
Do you realize how many “do you realize how many replies this anti-troll thread has generated” replies this anti-countertroll thread has generated? Who's feeding whom who's feeding “who's feeding whom” feeds?
-[me]
The biggest trolls
From: “Sean Callahan” stilvin@email.msn.com
References: Pine.GSO.3.96.990603175255.14881A-100000@hops.cs.jhu.edu
Subject: Re: trolls
Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 07:26:03 -0400
[me] wrote…
I just felt I should waste some bandwidth and say that I find all this trolling and troll-related debate to be highly amusing. It takes up at least a third of the newsgroup. Keep up the good work, Ron, Victor and those who are neither Ron nor Victor. :)
The joke's on you. Ron and Victor are the only people on this newsgroup. All these other (bogus) IDs can be a pain to set up, but it's worth it, especially when we suck in unwary visitors.
-sc (Stilvin) Guess which one I am…
From [me] Fri Jun 4 13:45:26 1999
From: “Mike” karapcik@moffitt.usf.edu.spamBgone
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: trolls
Date: 4 Jun 1999 13:45:26 GMT
[me] wrote in article
The joke's on you. Ron and Victor are the only people on this newsgroup. All these other (bogus) IDs can be a pain to set up, but it's worth it, especially when we suck in unwary visitors.
And who's to say I'm not Ron or Victor?
Who's to say that we all don't have a little Ron or Victor inside us all?
(Oh, my, Gawd. I'm participating in this….)
From [me] Fri Jun 4 13:59:40 1999
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 13:59:40 -0400 (EDT)
From: [me]
Subject: Re: trolls
The joke's on you. Ron and Victor are the only people on this newsgroup. All these other (bogus) IDs can be a pain to set up, but it's worth it, especially when we suck in unwary visitors.And who's to say I'm not Ron or Victor?
Who's to say that we all don't have a little Ron or Victor inside us all? (Oh, my, Gawd. I'm participating in this….)
As the old saying goes, Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye.
From: Dragonscroll cio@dragonscroll.com
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: trolls
Date: Sat, 05 Jun 1999 19:52:07 GMT
All Usenet trolls are stupid. Anyone who disagrees with me is clearly wrong. The lurkers support me in this, and I will not back down on my opinions to those trying to oppress my rights because I know that I speak the Truth. Hitler started off as a troll too, you know.
James Dragonscroll
Date: Mon, 7 Jun 1999 15:40:52 -0400
From: [me]
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: trolls
All Usenet trolls are stupid. Anyone who disagrees with me is clearly wrong. The lurkers support me in this, and I will not back down on my opinions to those trying to oppress my rights because I know that I speak the Truth. Hitler started off as a troll too, you know.
James
How dare you imply, let alone state openly, that usenet trolls are stupid? You are clearly wrong, not only in this belief, but in all other beliefs you have, had or will have any time in the future. Additionally, Hitler was NOT a troll, because there wasn't even a usenet arond at the time. I ask all usenet readers to follow me in my efforts to flame James perpetually until he backs down on his opinions.
Anti-troll
From: Werebat hes105@etal.uri.edu
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: Excessive Trolling
Date: Tue, 17 Aug 1999 01:05:21 -0700
[me] wrote:
On Mon, 16 Aug 1999, Carl Wikman wrote:
<Snip the troll, and the countertroll, and the anti-countertroll>
come on! we're responding for the fun! it's like getting engaged in a fight against a mindless brawling kender.
So what's this? A disanti-countertroll? I guess that makes what I'm currently typing an anti-disanti-countertroll.
Hm…
antidisanticountertroll →
antidantouteroll →
andanorol →
antanarol, now sold over-the-counter at your local drug store.
You do, of course, realize that your post here is a troll in and of itself. Or is my saying that a troll? Or an antidisanticountertroll troll? My head is spinning…
Must be a side affect of the antanarol.
- Ron ^*^
–
“Get your priorities straight, Debbie. Your spiritual growth through the game is more important than some lousy loser's life.”
- Ms. Frost, “Dark Dungeons”
Princess Bride from D&D
From: mythusmage@funtv.com (Alan Kellogg)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: Princess Bride
Date: Tue, 24 Aug 1999 22:45:35 -0700
Actually, in the scenario based on the book, from which Goldman got a lot of the dialogue used in the movie, Westley (note the spelling) and Inigo were no better than third level. Count Ruegen was about the same as a fighter, with no wizard training, he just had a talent for building diabolical devices. (Translation, Goldman wanted him to have a diabolical device, so he got a diabolical device.:)
Westley and Inigo in the movie were pretty much as they were played in the game. Fezzik was an amalgamation of a number of characters, including one played by yours truly. All other characters in the flick were NPCs.
Inigo's line (you know the one) was intended to taunt the Count, and to gain an advantage in the combat. In this case, a +1. Ruegen's outburst was Goldman's. He was making some notes, the guy playing Inigo said *The Line*, and our DM got rattled and barked out, “Stop saying that!”
Bill asked Inigo's player about the lousy Spanish accent, to which the fellow replied, “I don't know any Spanish accents.”
Fezzik's defeat in wrestling at the hands of Westley came because I couldn't roll higher than a 6 on a d20 (I needed a 7 or better). Goldman's comment on this was, “That has got to be the lousiest die rolling I've ever seen.”
All this was some 20+ years ago, at the University of California at San Diego, at the thursday evening meetings of the (now defunct) Triton Wargaming Society. Raymond Feist was a member of the club at the time, and may have played in the Princess Bride adventure. But you'll have to ask him.
(Does, “Elothran the Lizard Tooth” ring a bell?)
Alan
From: Sea Wasp seawasp@wizvax.net
Subject: Re: Princess Bride
One of the more amusing trolls I've seen this year. Thanks, Alan.
Troll: Improving the Game
From: Seattle Sam ssam@worldnet.com
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: I've finally figured it out!
Date: 08 Jun 1999 19:25:54 PDT
After months of playing AD&D (a friend turned me on to it in December), I have finally figured out how to fix it.
1. Hit points are way too low. Characters should roll five or six hit dice per level. This would allow them to wipe out some of the game's nasties without constantly getting killed — especially at low levels.
2. I think the players ought to be able to roll their dice in secret just as the DM is allowed to do. We are generally mature players and need to trust each other.
3. Get rid of the fighter class, and give EVERYONE fighting capabilities. Thieves, mages, and priests should be great fighters.
4. Limit the number of players to two. When I joined my friends game in December, there were three players. Later one quit and having two turned out to be much better. Trust me on this one.
5. Spells are way to weak. Beef them up a bit. use this new formula: (New spell level) = (Old spell level) - 3. And 1st, 2nd, and 3rd level spells become “cantrips”.
6. Forget playing for more than three hours at a time. After three hours, trashing monsters loses its interest. Play in two to three hour gaming sessions.
7. Incorporate “monopoly” type money into the game. Forget record keeping. It's a drag. If you use kind-of-a D&D type currency, the players can spend the money (to the DM) as they see fit.
Well there it is. I think if everyone made these changes, it would fix the game and we'd all be a lot happier. I hope you all like my improvements.
Seattle Sam
From: Dragonscroll cio@dragonscroll.com
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: I've finally figured it out!
Date: Wed, 09 Jun 1999 04:24:16 GMT
I would like to reply to these simply preposterous propositions.
In article 375DD126.1B11@worldnet.com, Seattle Sam ssam@worldnet.com wrote:
1. Hit points are way too low. Characters should roll five or six hit dice per level.
I can't believe you would suggest such a clear power-inflation of the game. This would make combat incredibly unrealistic. Three or four dice per level should be more than enough.
2. I think the players ought to be able to roll their dice in secret just as the DM is allowed to do. We are generally mature players and need to trust each other.
Why use dice at all? I think all players should simply declare what number they have chosen. We are all mature enough to be egalitarian and fair about this.
3. Get rid of the fighter class, and give EVERYONE fighting capabilities. Thieves, mages, and priests should be great fighters.
Different character classes are intrinsically unfair and lead to pointless and ongoing arguments about balance. Classes should be eliminated in favor of giving all characters every ability.
4. Limit the number of players to two. When I joined my friends game in December, there were three players. Later one quit and having two turned out to be much better. Trust me on this one.
In my game, the number of players was eventually reduced to one (myself). I now GM for myself and play my own character. This works out much better than standard “groups”, with all the in-fighting and deciding who will bring the snacks.
5. Spells are way to weak. Beef them up a bit. use this new formula: (New spell level) = (Old spell level) - 3. And 1st, 2nd, and 3rd level spells become “cantrips”.
I've always found the cantrip system to be flawed. Perhaps we should limit this by making 1st and 2nd level spells innate abilities that can be used any number of times. This will save on paperwork, too.
6. Forget playing for more than three hours at a time. After three hours, trashing monsters loses its interest. Play in two to three hour gaming sessions.
Sometimes, I simply play for 5 minutes at a time during commercial breaks, while on the subway, or while waiting in line in public places.
Since I am the GM and the player, I simply do this in my head without speaking. I often run games where my adversary is an ex-girlfriend, boss, etc. and I kill them in a gruesome fashion.
My friends all call this my “quiet time”, though this is somewhat a misnomer since I like to suppress maniacal chuckles and glance around suspiciously during these “games”.
7. Incorporate “monopoly” type money into the game. Forget record keeping. It's a drag. If you use kind-of-a D&D type currency, the players can spend the money (to the DM) as they see fit.
Try using real money to really buy the equipment. I know I do. Though I don't know what I'm going to do with all these long, sharp blades, ranged weapons and pictures of my ex-girlfriend getting in and out of her car.
James Dragonscroll
Ok, so this one's spam, not a troll
From: “Joost Schalken” joost@schalken.a2000.nl
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: ·s¦¨¥\¥«³õ¦æ¾P:
Date: Tue, 15 Jun 1999 09:31:40 +0200
Matthew Filla matthew.filla@teldta.com wrote in message news:376578d0.21843148@news.teldta.com…
On Mon, 14 Jun 1999 17:06:07 -0400, “Sean Callahan”
stilvin@email.msn.com wrote:
Larry Mead wrote…«í©÷°ê»Ú
HANG CHEONG INTERNATIONAL
·s¦¨¥\¥«³õ¦æ¾P:
±z¬O§_¸g±`¬°¦p¦ó©Ý®i¦æ¾PºÞ¹D¶Ë¸£µ¬?
¥Zµn³ø¯È,Âø»x¼s§i©Î¶l±H¢Ò¢Û (Direct Mail)¬O§_¤w¸gµLªk¹F¦¨±z¹w´Áªº¼s§i®ÄªG? »P¨ä±N®É¶¡©Mª÷¿ú¯Ó¶O¦b¦¨®Ä¤£¹üªºÂ¦³¦æ¾P¤è¦¡¤W,«Øij±z»°ºò¥t´M·s¦n¤èªk¨Ó ¨ú¥N²{¦æªº¼s§i¦æ¾P¤è¦¡.¶Ç²Î¼s§i¦æ¾P¤è¦¡¯Ó¶O¤Ó¦h¤H¤Oª«¤O¦Ó¼s§i¶O¥Î©M¼s§i ®Ä¯q©¹©¹¤£¦¨¥¿¤ñ,¦]¦¹³\¦h¤j¤½¥q¸g¹L¼f·Vµû¦ô«á³£¤w§ï±Ä³Ì¬°¸gÀÙ§Ö³t¥B®ÄªG §ó¦nªº“¢Ó¡Ð¢Û¢Ï¢×¢Ú¼s§i¦æ¾P ¤Î ¶Ç¯u¼s§i¦æ¾P” ¤]´N¬O–ºô»Úºô¸ô¢Ò¢Ûµo°e¼s§i, ¦]¬°¥¦½T¹ê¸gÀÙ§Ö³t¦Ó¥B¤Q¤À¦³®Ä¡I
I agree entirely.
No, he's entirely wrong. His logic is weak, he has no understanding of how
gµLªk¹F¦ works in real life, he misspelled §i¦æ¾P¤è, and he had no excuse to
call your mother a Ò¢Ûµo°e.
So what is the correct spelling for §i¦æ¾P¤è? I've always seen it
spelled the way the original poster had it.
Although §i¦æ¾P¤è is spelled correctly, common practice nowadays is to spell it §ilæ¾K. This practice started when the metric system was introduced. The same thing has afflicted both g¹L¼f (now g¹ÿ¼g) and P¨ä±N® (now P¨ä«N®).
Maybe the original poster just liked things the old-fashioned way. I can't blaim him, the language had a much more musical ring to it before Western standards corrupted it.
Joost
From: “Joost Schalken” joost@schalken.a2000.nl
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: ·s¦¨¥\¥«³õ¦æ¾P:
Date: Tue, 15 Jun 1999 09:32:12 +0200
Trainz mongrain@arobas.net wrote in message news:3765A2A1.6FE23BFA@arobas.net…
Larry Mead wrote:
Did you know that if you change the ¥ by a § and inverse your name, it
would sound like q©¹§©¹¤£¦¨¥¿¤ ?
Weird, huh ?
Gross, man!
Joost
From: Dragonscroll cio@dragonscroll.com
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: ·s¦¨¥\¥«³õ¦æ¾P:
Date: Tue, 15 Jun 1999 08:35:26 GMT
In article 7k314j$csn$10@thorn.cc.usm.edu, lrmead@orca.st.usm.edu (Larry Mead) wrote:
I con't believe you all would participate in a cavalier discussion of such offensive subject matter. You should all be gµLªk¹F'd until your ¤j¤½¥qs are oozing out your ¶l±H¢Ò¢Û.
James Dragonscroll
From: Werebat HES105@ETAL.URI.EDU
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: Re: ·s¦¨¥\¥«³õ¦æ¾P:
Date: Wed, 16 Jun 1999 07:27:30 -0700
Organization: Chaos
Robert Baldwin wrote:
On 14 Jun 1999 13:46:59 GMT, lrmead@orca.st.usm.edu (Larry Mead) wrote:
I agree entirely.
DMGorgon
Well, yes, but only in 1st ed.
2nd ed deleted that part.
I still use it, though. I've always thought the 2nd Edition ruling was a little too abusable by the players.
- Ron ^*^
I Refuse to Respond
From me, Fri Aug 11 14:16:03 2000 -0400
On Fri, 11 Aug 2000, Tenzhi the Ti Hsien wrote:
[me] elsewhere@beast.toad.net wrote in messageOn Thu, 10 Aug 2000 archmagi@usadatanet.net wrote:On Wed, 9 Aug 2000 16:53:57 -0400, [me]Your trolls are not creative, and are not even entertaining. I refuse to dignify them with a response!
pssst… hate to point this out to you… but you responded…
I refuse to dignify such blatantly false nonsense with a response!
I think that people who refuse to respond shouldn't be responded to either!!! Therefore I shall not respond to your non-response.
Such refusal to respond to my non-response deserves nothing better than further refusal to respond to your refusal to respond to my refusal to respond to a comment on my refusal to respond to a comment!
I was going to in-spond into this transpondence, but the irritation and frustration of non-repudiation would undoubtedly cause you no end of jubilation, much to my chagrin and indignation.
Your confusing jumble of polysyllabic words convinces me all the more that not only is your post not worth responding to, but that I must, on moral and ethical grouds, if on no others, refuse heartily and assuredly to respond to any such nonsense, somesuch or otherwise!